Struggles

Let’s talk marriage. And how sometimes we blow it. And sometimes we get lazy.

I think I spent most of January and the first of February sleepwalking. I was not intentional with anything, my business, my friendships, not even my marriage.  I have no idea why, but it felt like a black cloud followed me around with very few peaks of sunshine and lots of rain.

Maybe I’m the only one who does that from time to time, but if you do it as well then you know how unhealthy it is.

Someone asked us recently if there was anything we did not do well in marriage and at the same time, without hesitation, we looked at each other and said  “communication.” We do not do anything perfectly, but the one thing we know that we struggle with and have to be intentional and on guard with is communication. And we have not been communicating well  lately.

So the other Saturday we drove through the mountains, ate lunch at a little hideaway and talked until the restaurant was past their closing time.

I’m not talking about chit chat.

I’m talking about saying something when you need something whether it’s emotional support or something physical from your spouse.

We have to say something when our feelings are hurt or we are feeling insecure or left out or worried. That is hard for both of us. We are both much better at just lecturing ourselves and basically telling ourselves to get over it and just move on. Do not rock the boat. Do not risk making the other one defensive or upset.

And we all know that is not healthy.

Our way of getting back to a healthy state with our communication issues is to sit and talk it out no matter how long it takes. Even if we have to go down the road to the next restaurant, which is what we did. I just wish we had done it sooner.

Whatever you and your spouse struggle with, the first step is to be aware there is a problem. The next step is to take some action. That action should not involve sweeping it under the rug or blaming each other or going on the attack. Find a good time to sit down and tackle the issue together. Remember, we are on the same team and we are not one another’s enemy. We are to be working towards the same goal, the good of the marriage and family.